A tale of too many pests.

It’s been an interesting week. But I’m hoping since I have three little tales, that means my pest-bases are all covered and no mas for the time being. This mamacita can’t take much more!

Saturday, when it was busy not-raining for one of the two times in the past 21 days, I ran the X-man back with me to my house to take care of a few chores. I was way, way, way far behind on chores, but Jeff needed to show his face at a work function. No worries! X-man and I would do some laundry and clean the kitchen and put away the (non-perishable) groceries I had left out to go grab him; he would earn some marbles and I could check some items off my list. Life would be good!

Except as I was backing the car into the garage, I saw a giant, man-eating, hissing, limping zombie raccoon staring back at me from right in front of my neighbor’s garage across the street. I had thought it was odd that all of my neighbors were in their houses with their garages closed (well, except John and Corrie’s – theirs was open), but I thought maybe everyone was having a siesta. The raccoon hissed at me again, and limped and twitched a few feet left to right and then back again. Something was Not Right about that raccoon. So I kept an eye on him to make sure he didn’t charge into the garage after us, shut the door and got us into the house. Then I texted John and Corrie that they might want to close their garage door. And then I texted my neighbor so he wouldn’t open his garage and get his face chewed off. Then I called Animal Control, who promised they’d be out soon. Turns out the neighbors all knew about the rabid visitor, which is why everyone was inside. The raccoon had been walking between houses and hanging out at people’s front doors – someone was going to open their door with their dogs or kids right there and this thing was gonna get messy. Animal Control took its sweet time, but they finally arrived and took care of Pest #1. Thank god.

Pest(s) #2 have not been as easy to take care of. I’ve had an influx of fruit flies and I have no idea where they’re coming from. They showed up over the weekend, and I’ve been taking them out as quickly as I can. But it seems like no matter what I do, there’s just as many waiting for me when I get home from work or get up in the morning. I’ve scoured the sinks, bleached the dish disposal, gotten rid of any fruit lying around. Nothing seems to be working. I’ve set out a honeypot (a glass of wine, since that seems to be what attracts them most) and spray them with cleaner whenever I see them. I’ve gotten rid of most of them… but I’ve thought that before! If this is still going on come this weekend, I may have to call in the professionals before I get the heebie jeebies and light the kitchen on fire.

Which, clearly, is an option. Last night I saw a tick crawling across the bathroom floor. I smooshed it dead, flushed it, and then doused the bathroom with accelerant and lit that baby on fire. Except not really. I did my heebie jeebie dance and pretended it didn’t happen. Well, as I was checking the dogs, the kids and myself for any other freeloaders. I had just about calmed the crap down when I saw another one crawling on the carpet near my bedroom door. Something tells me this is all because it’s been raining since the beginning of time and my grass grew to over a foot high before the yard guy could find a few hours dry enough to come knock things back. Whatever the reason, we better not see any more. Or I’m not going to have enough rooms left to live in.

Moral of the story: more sunshine, fewer pests, please. The two seem to be related. Even if the common thread is simply preserving my sanity.


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2 Responses to “A tale of too many pests.”

  1. Kathy Says:

    Yuck, yuck, yuck. That’s all I’ve got on those three tales. ICK!

  2. Agent Torklepants Says:

    Want me to send you some towels for the doors? =]

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