Today started out so well! We knew the girls’ school was closed so we all got to sleep in. I didn’t even mind hearing the girls be all squealy out in the kitchen this morning because they were just! so! excited! to see a few inches (which seems like a few feet to them) of snow. I mean, look!
It all looks so pretty! Who wouldn’t want to enjoy a snow day like that! And then I made bacon and french toast for brunch and the girls were so excited they were handclapping and stomping and my head was all BLAH! MAKE IT STOP! but they were in a good mood and my work decided to close for the entire day instead of a noon open and it was good. Everything was good.
I started my 30-Day Shred workout and not two minutes later the back door opened and Bee walked in.
“What do you want?” I asked, expecting a request for dry mittens.
“Fenway has poop all over her neck,” she said.
“If I give you towels, can you get it off? Like, use snow if you need some water?”
That seemed to work. I thought it was just, like, a minor incident. The girls seemed confident.
A few minutes later, Gracie escorted a very wet Fen into her cage, and the girls changed clothes, and then finished my workout with me. [Sidenote: they are now required to work out with me every day. They were so encouraging! “You look skinnier already, Mom!” “Keep going!” “WOW! How can you do that, Mama?!” It was so motivating! And also awesome that they love working out and stretching!]
After awhile, I figured Fenway had dried off enough to be out and about. Except when I went in there, she smelled. She smelled bad. Like she got skunked kind of bad. And her neck? Caked. Still. And so this happened:
We’re calling it: Bath Of Shame. I only washed her neck with way more shampoo than was probably necessary. And then dried her off with all the towels and chased her around the bathroom with the hair dryer so she’d be relatively dry. And she still smells, you guys. I tried dryer sheets. And then room freshener. Because no. No no no no no.
And so that’s it. No more snow days. The last one, Fenway ran away. This time, she rolled in poop. I do not have enough wine to find out what will happen if we have another snow day. I know we have nothing on New England, where there’s 32390348530498 inches of snow on the ground. But enough. Really. Please god.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go take my 4th shower of the day. Because. Because.