So I do it anyway.

A lot of you asked where my running resolution was when I listed my non-resolution resolutions. Truth is, a running resolution didn’t even occur to me. It should have – the half-marathon is only six weeks away. (Six weeks! Six weeks is not a long time!) But my kidneys haven’t been very accommodating lately, so there hasn’t been much running this winter. At all. Like, you guys, a running resolution didn’t even occur to me, even though I knew I needed to get back out there.

I finally got clearance to run (as tolerated…so, until I get another kidney stone) and my panic over the half-marathon forced me out the door last Sunday. I felt great. Running felt great. I got in 3 1/2 miles, the first two straight, no problem. I was a bit wheezy, the air was a bit cold, but my kidneys were fine. But I still wasn’t sure even starting at 3 1/2 miles would get me where I needed to be in just six weeks, not when I have barely been running this season.

Truth be told, if I didn’t have friend flying down for the event, I probably would have scratched it by now. I’d still run – running has become a part of me, and my emotional health is so much better when I find the time, not to mention I can sleep the entire night on my stomach without my back hurting on the nights when I run – but it’d be nice not to have this panicky deadline looming over my head.

But I’ve worked it out. The nice thing about being so far off the mark is that you kinda just say “screw it”. I might not make the 13.1 miles by March 1. I might not be able to do it. There. BOOM, as Bee would say. Out loud: I might not. But I’ll keep aiming for it anyway. See where I end up. Because it’s about the process. The proverbial frickin’ journey. It’s about aiming for something, believing you’re going to miss, and shooting for it anyway. I might not make it by March, but maybe that means I’ll be ready for the next half-marathon registration that pops up. Maybe it means I’m shape enough to join that running club. And maybe there will be cute, single guys at the running club. But hott guys aren’t the reason, either.

I run because I want to. Because it’s me. It gives me focus and bragging rights and a dedicated time to listen to music and daydream. Sometimes my daydreams are about finding a bench and sitting down and catching my goddang breath, but hey – dream big, sunshine. And if I’m out there improving myself and running and doing all I can, then I can yell at my football guys to run faster, do better, with a clear conscience. (Yes, everything boils down to football in my life right now.)

So, yes, to answer your questions, I am out there running. Finally. There’s a goal in mind…but it’s sort of a floating goal. I only got in two miles last night, and they weren’t even close to all the way together. But seeing as I could barely hobble down the hallway after my epic start on Sunday, I get points just for knowing that what I needed was a shake-out run to loosen up again. In the literal freezing cold. I’m feeling much better this morning than I have since my first run. I think Thursdays will be better. Maybe not a fast two miles and then another mile and a half tacked on… But then again, maybe I will.

And even if I don’t, if I can’t, I’m going to run anyway.

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2 Responses to “So I do it anyway.”

  1. Step Mom Says:

    BOOM. Just like Bee said. I didn’t think I’d be ready. My 1st half, I went through a brutal divorce and moved out while he was at work. Yeah. My second half? I got the flu the night before. Neither ideal for running 13.1godforsaken miles. But, I promise. Even if you walk/run that puppy (wog like a master), you will prevail and be all the better for it. Because? You dominated in the worst circumstances.
    And whatever! I know you got this! You are the Queen of Plans. Rooting for you all the way. 🙂

  2. Kathy Says:

    I like Bee – BOOM! Still running? Wish I was. Just can’t seem to make myself do much of anything lately.

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