On the upside, it doesn’t cost $2,000.

The witch doctor called yesterday. It’s official: I have a stomach ulcer, not gall bladder issues.

The drawbacks:

  • Weight gain is one of the symptoms of gallstones and gallbladder disease. So where did this extra pants size come from? Hmmm?
  • No more fat-free diet restrictions means that miraculous weight loss won’t comin’ ’round. Demmit.
  • No more quick and easy fix – the gall bladder surgery might have been expensive, but at least I knew I could take the gall bladder out and feel much, much better. Plus? Good drugs and a pity visit from my sister.
  • Stomach ulcer means no coffee (except for my half-cup in the morning. TRUST ME, that first cup is essential to breathing.), no chocolate, no alcohol. FOR SIX WEEKS. I seriously have no idea how I’m going to make it through.
  • No acidic juices or foods, including tomato sauce (no pasta?!) and no lemon juice, which I frequently drink in lemonade or eat as a sauce on my foods to dissuade the kidney stones from invading. My kidneys are on high alert.
  • This one definitely hurts the most: the sodding witch doctor was right. You have no idea how much that burns.
  • No, wait, this one hurts the most, literally: no NSAIDs. No ibuprofen, no naproxen, no relief at all for my back. My doctor had me on two naproxen daily as preventatives and anti-inflammatories. Now? I can’t even take Advil if my back starts screaming – and it does that quite a bit. I have an appointment with my doctor to come up with an alternative pain management plan, but I might curl up and die before then.

The upsides:

  • Hey! I can eat things now! Not following an ulcer-friendly diet and a fat-free gallstone friendly diet sure does give me a few more options besides fruit, spinach, and chicken bouillon. Of course, I’m still learning which foods are safe for me – even sauce-less pasta doesn’t sit well. They weren’t kidding about the chocolate. And forget about anything with too much butter. (If I can’t eat more “normal” food by next week, I’ll have to go to a GI and have an endoscopy to see if something more serious is going on. The prilosec is starting to help – I’ve had salmon, white rice, chicken breast and ham this week – but the witch doctor thinks I should be better than I am.)
  • In trying to be more creative about helping my back pain flee the scene, I convinced Bee to give me nightly back massages. Aww yeah.
  • Have I mentioned that an ulcer means I don’t have to pay the $2,000 co-pay for gall bladder surgery?
  • A diagnosis that means nothing inside of me (appendix, gall bladder) is in danger of popping, my chiropractor can once again work his magic and readjust some happiness back into the picture.

So, there you go. It could have been worse, just like I kept saying all along. Although, now that I think about it, what is worse than limited coffee and a complete ban on chocolate and wine? I’m never going to survive.

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3 Responses to “On the upside, it doesn’t cost $2,000.”

  1. Kathy Says:

    This is a bag of mixed blessings for sure. No surgury – yeah! Long recovery without chocolate, wine and coffee – boo! Hope you are feeling 100% soon.

  2. Agent Torklepants Says:

    You know what’s good for ulcers? Cake. It absorbs tummy acid. So I guess you’re just gonna have to eat some cake….

  3. gayle Says:

    No chocolate is a tough one! I wish you a very quick recovery/healing! Hugs 🙂

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