Because what this week needed was a dental emergency.

This week didn’t start out so hot – before the kids returned from Ohio a day early, before ripped out earrings, infected ears and allergies gone haywire, my week started with a 24-hour stomach bug that didn’t quite understand what the words 24-hours meant. I left work early on Tuesday because the tummy, it was a-rumbling in bad, bad ways, and as soon as I got home, I decided what I needed was a nap.

I love napping. It’s so warm and cuddly and full of sleep. Except, of course, for those times when you wake up and not only is your cursed tooth throbbing, but the entire left side of your face is swollen and your tooth pain is all stabby all the way up through your temple and into your brain.

The pretty, pretty assistant at my dentist’s office told me to come on in as soon as I could get there and even though they didn’t have any openings, my favorite dentist in the whole world because he is made of AWESOME would squeeze me in. So I swallowed some don’t throw up on the dentist anti-nausea pills and an ice pack and to the dentist’s office I went.

Remember how I said how much I love my dentist? I take it all back. That crazyguy said my cursed tooth – the one that has been crowned, and then root canalled (but only on three of four roots because nobody ever listens to me when I say that’s gonna come back and bite us me in the ass) right through the pretty crown, and has been an issue off and on ever since – he said it looked fine on the x-ray, but was probably getting ready to start an impressive infection.

And that a root canal wouldn’t help.

Dear readers, he said we would probably have to pull it.

Pull my tooth?! What?!? A thousand dollar root canal sounded much better! We couldn’t PULL IT – I’d have trailer trash mouth! The dentist laughed at my hysterics (understanding that I use humor to vent away all the fear), patted my arm, numbed my mouth, and wrote me some prescriptions for antibiotics and high-dose anti-inflammatories. Then his nice assistant made me an appointment with an endodontist to see if she thought we could salvage the tooth. All the while chuckling because she thought I was kidding about the dramatics and the trailer trash mouth.

My friends laughed at me, too. Understandably, I guess – my cursed tooth is the back molar on my upper left side. It’s not like anyone would be able to see that it was missing. And after listening to my dentist, his assistants, and all of my friends, what do I do? I consult The Google to see what it thought. The Google knows everything. And whaddya know – The Google agreed with everyone and said I would be fine.

I still wasn’t happy about potential trailer trash mouth, though.

So yesterday morning I marched myself into the endodontist appointment, preparing myself for either evil. Would it be a root canal that saved my tooth, but cost thousands of my dollars? Or would it be a tooth extraction and trailer trash mouth for the low, low cost of just $150? Neither, as it turns out. After several quick tests, my endodontist decided that my tooth wasn’t infected or fractured as far as she could see, and she was as hesitant as I was to recommend extraction. Instead, she thought that maybe the trauma of clenching and grinding my teeth was the culprit. She adjusted the crown so it was a bit flatter to simulate the natural wearing down my other teeth have experienced, tested my bite, and sent me on my way with a reminder to finish my antibiotics, just in case.

I’m already feeling a bit better, although I’m not really sure whether it’s because I’ve been on two days worth of penicillin or because when you threaten to steal a girl’s tooth and then whisk away the threat, she feels a lot less stress – and the gnashing of teeth disappears right along with it.


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One Response to “Because what this week needed was a dental emergency.”

  1. Kathy Says:

    Oh sister! I would have been right there with you with the tailer trash mouth. In GS two years ago we had a discussion on first impressions and the physical aspects you judge on (skin color, accent, etc.) and my big thing was teeth. The girls were all offended since almost all of them had braces at the time. Man I had a lot of explaining to do, but it is still something I have trouble getting past.

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