Technically, there are no parties yet. But there has been much watching of The Weather Channel, lurving on Jim Cantore, and general mocking of everyone but the Weather Gods. (Hey, they’re pretty much smoting us already – no reason to further incite their fury.)
So, anyone want to guess when Auntie Kim was supposed to leave me? Sunday morning? Ding ding ding! And anyone want to guess when Hurricane Irene is supposed to pass directly over Kim’s house? Why yes! Just when she’s flying into Boston Logan and driving to Connecticut! Yeah, so not happening. In fact, her crazysilly airline is telling her she’ll be lucky to make it back before next weekend. Heh. Silly hurricane. Silly airline. But hooray for me and another week of homemade dinners!
So, while Kim and I live it up and try not to kill the children, our baby sister has been trying to batten down the (rented) hatches of her and Kim’s places before evac-ing to our parents house further inland in good ol’ Massachusetts. This has made for some very interesting convos. Rhi hasn’t lived on her own before and is still learning to juggle everyday life, never mind hurricane prep. Could she prep for a blizzard? Heck yeah! Hurricanes? For a New Englandah? Mehhhh - a little bit sketchier territory. But that doesn’t mean we’re not gonna laugh our way through it.
Rhi: Hey, ask Kim if 6 gallons of water is too much.
[This made me crack up because 6 gallons was exactly the number I had randomly told Kim Rhi should get if she was staying in Connecticut. Apparently telepathy isn't a feature uniquely shared between Kim and I.]
Me: Ha! That’s how much I suggested for just you. I’d get 10 for the 4 of you. [Since she's going to our parents. Plus the cat she's taking with her. Whole. other. story.]
Rhi: kk, I’ll get some more. I asked Joey to get some and he’s like ‘Meh, it’s a regular storm.’ [Apparently, our brother is CRAZY, yo.] I also got some cereal, peanut butter, bagels…anything else?
Me: Bread, Kim says you needed more kitty litter. Meds? Benadryl or ibuprofen? Batteries. Pop tarts! lol
[The Weather Channel had a "special" on about how Walmart says the biggest sellers before hurricanes are beer and pop tarts.]
Rhi: Cart….getting…heavy. Huuuughhhughhhh.
Me: Kim wants to know if you’re speaking whale. [All the parents in the room know that's from Finding Nemo. Duh.] Not that she wants you to see one! [Me to Kim: But how cool would that be?! A whale washed up inland afterwards! Kim: Ew.]
Rhi: Uh. No. It was my pushing-heavy-cart noise…Duh. Should I get apples? They float.
Me: Yes! And string.
Rhi: That’s donuts, not apples.
[Which is when Kim explained that Rhi obviously thought we meant for party games. You know. Hung from strings.]
Me: You’re supposed to tie the apples into a flotilla and then you’ll be on CNN, not play party games!
And that was the last I heard from Rhi. So, either the cart rolled over and killed her (Ohmygod! You killed
Kenny Rhianyn!) or she beat up some lil old grandma waiting in line and is now in lockup, or quite possibly lost the thread of our conversation and gave up.
Rhi wasn’t the only one we were harassing. Kim talked to the dad of one of her friends online; he had been teasing her for stalking The Weather Channel from Texas – like it was gonna do any good. (The talking or the teasing, nat.) He also told her he was having a Hurricane Sale – he owns a liquor store in backwoods PerfectTown, Connecticut – and Kim asked him if he had a pop tarts display up, too. He replied he didn’t, but that there was one next door at the supermarket. We might have suggested he go steal it. You know, or we would have if that wasn’t criminal. Ahem.
Even The Weather Channel hasn’t been beyond our mockery. From the beginning, their coverage included a map that showed the threat potential to the northeast. Most of New York and Connecticut was listed as High Threat (in a nice, neat red). But The Weather Channel people were going on and on about how they had added an extra category: Extreme. (Go ahead and guess what category Kim’s house in listed under now. Go ahead – guess.) But wait! There’s more! There was another category that was called CATASTROPHIC.
Why, oh why, Kim asked, would they call it that?! That’s when we suggested that they add another color in black called “PANIC! Panic at the disco!” They could add glitter to the black, even. Then we discussed how Rhi probably has glitter in her hurricane kit; to her, everything’s better with glitter.
So there you have it, folks. Come Saturday, I imagine we’ll be glued to the TV and our phones, making sure our parents and friends and everyone is okay. Hopefully it’ll be a whole bunch of nothing. A few downed limbs. Quickly restore electricity. And if not, well, Kim can just skype the college courses she’s teaching and live at my house.
(P.S. No, Kim, I did not conjure this mighty, mighty hurricane in an evil plot to keep you here. OBVIOUSLY, I would have directed the rain a little closer my way. That would have been just as effective AND more fun!)