Book Review: A Smart Girl’s Guide To Her Parents’ Divorce

I picked up The Smart Girl’s Guide To Her Parents’ Divorce at the beginning of the summer. I know I sought it out in reaction to some comment from the Ex or his fiancé about something the girls’ had done or some change in their behavior, although now I can’t quite remember what it was. It’s possible that Gracie had acted out or had made some comment. It wasn’t anything that raised a red flag at the time, but I remembered that Mir had reviewed the Smart Girl’s Guide series favorably, so I thought I’d check it out.

I have to say I was very impressed with the book. The sections cover a range of issues a pre-tween or tween is sure to face when dealing with divorce. Dealing with different and ever-changing emotions, the possibility of moving, change itself, parents dating or remarrying, divided loyalties, different rules, playing one parent against the other, losing a pet, custody, etc. There didn’t seem to be a problem too complex or too minute for the guide to tackle. I liked that. I liked that it had gumption in taking on everything head-on because lord knows guts are going to be called on when you’re trying to make it through a separation or divorce – for everyone involved. The fact that the subjects were discussed matter-of-factly helps give a girl a bit of understanding that she can deal with any sticky situation that comes up. As for how to deal with it, the guide was pretty pragmatic in approach and tween-ish in language: it listed several scenarios that could come up and offered suggestions for handling each one and – best of all – explains why a parent might put her in that particular situation. I’m a girl who likes to know the “why” of things, so I really liked that the book tried to de-mystify actual divorce situations. Okay, and this is really, really my favorite part: for each possible problem, the book described a way the reader could tell her parents she was uncomfortable. Bravo, Smart Girl’s Guide for empowering our children to open the conversation. That’s how the real problem can start to be solved: with honest communication. Most children won’t verbalize what’s wrong without acting out in some manner, but this book gives her the exact words to say. I think that makes it much more likely the reader will actually say something.

As for how the book delivers all of this wonderful content – and there’s a lot of it – I thought the guide did a marvelous job breaking down the information into small bits and pieces for girls to chew on. Those small pieces of information or advice are spread out on the page amidst sketches pertaining to the section, written in speech or thought bubbles, or typed out in Q&A style format or as if it were submitted in an email. The effect was that I – or the tween reading the book – could read just a piece of information and really think about it without feeling pressured to keep reading. The advice was presented in a manner as un-intrusive as possible for the reader to nibble on at her own pace. Given the weighty subject manner, I thought that was spot on. There is so much information, I don’t think it’s a book any girl would read front-to-back (I couldn’t even do it) so styling the book in a way that could be sipped instead of gulped is – just as the title proclaims – smart.

So, yes, the book was glitter and unicorns for smart parents – and the daughters they care about – and I will be checking out many of the other titles they offer (Starting Middle School, Using the Internet, Fighting with Friends, etc). The problem is that the target audience I think is just a wee bit older than my Gracie. I could read the book with her (and at some point I probably will), but she’s not quite old enough to really get the tone. I would place the fitting age range at 8-12ish. Or third to sixth grades if you’re thinking about sending some to your niece and find grades easier to keep track of. So for now I’m going to put the book on Gracie’s shelf for her to find. She’ll know when to pull it out if she needs it…and if she doesn’t, I’ll know where it is so I can leave it on her desk. Or I can mention she might want to look through it. Or – crazy parenting thought – I can use what I’ve read in the book and scale it down to her level. It’s too good not to use in some form or fashion.

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Tags: Books, divorce, literature, tweens