Hello. My name is Katie and I’m a chocoholic.

I’m blaming my insanity on Valentine’s candy. Clearanced Valentine’s candy. But really the problem started longer ago than February – probably closer to 30 years ago, in fact. But if the Valentine’s candy hadn’t have been on clearance, I wouldn’t have picked up a bag of raspberry hugs for 70 cents. And then I wouldn’t have kept the bag in my desk drawer at ThePlaceThatShallNotBeDiscussed. And I wouldn’t have eaten the entire bag in five days. Yes, five days.

And then, I wouldn’t have kept right on eating chocolate candy through the Easter season because when you’ve gotten used to eating five Hershey kisses here and there, it’s not very easy to stop. At least, it isn’t for me. So I ate all of the leftover Easter candy that hadn’t fit at the bottom of the girls’ baskets. That was one bag of Hershey’s kisses, a bag of Cadbury Mini-Eggs and six Cadbury Creme Eggs.

In the middle of all this binge eating, someone I don’t really know, but know of, relapsed. He had been sober for years – in fact, he was sponsoring many other alcoholics in various stages of recovery. But he relapsed. Because it’s the second time he’s sought treatment, it might cost him his job. I was thinking about this man on the way to work and even though I’m (rather unfortunately) quite familiar with alcoholism and view it as the disease it is rather than as a weakness, I still wondered how he could fall when it would mean losing everything, when he had been so “straight” before his fall. He had worked so hard to earn everything back and get to where he was. How horrible and destructive a disease must be to pull you back like that.

Knowing it wasn’t really the same, I started thinking about my quasi-addiction to chocolate. Look: I know it’s not the same, not by yards, not even close; but it’s the closest thing I can use to relate. So I thought about my “need” for chocolate and I thought to myself, I could give up chocolate. Maybe I should give it up cold turkey. That’s a good idea, I will. Right after I finish the Easter candy so that I’m not wasting money and perfectly good candy. I wasn’t even shooting for irony when the thought ran through my head, but there it was. It’s so cliché, that “right after I finish this blah-blah-blah.” Turns out, it’s an honest thought.

It really hit me, the echoes between one more binge drink and one more bag of candy. Of course one alcoholism is life threatening and my quasi-addiction isn’t. Still. It’s not a healthy temptation, one I am not doing such a great job controlling just now, which is why I came up with my crazy idea.

I gave up chocolate.

Yes, me. Chocolate. Willingly. I know – I’m crazy! I have lost my ever-lovin’ mind. Impulsive, mindless or not, let’s see if I can make it through the end of the year without giving in. Now the rules are that I’ve just given up chocolate candy – chocolate cake or chocolate flavoring doesn’t count. Cupcakes and snack cakes are still in. Hot chocolate is in. So are cookies. That’s an entirely different temptation and this challenge is big enough. I’ve done it before during Lent, but that was always with the idea that the end was near. When you know you can have something again in a short amount of time, it’s easier to withhold – at least, for me it is. When you know you can’t ever give in…that’s much, much harder. And maybe sometimes, a wee bit easier if you know it would ruin everything instead of just your calorie count for one day.

So let’s see if I can really do it. Do you think I can? Because I honestly don’t know. It’s been over two weeks now, I know that. And there have been temptations already. I’ve held out. I’ve stayed strong. But still – I might need a sponsor. Or six.

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Tags: addiction, chocolate, food, health