My Parenting 101 handbook doesn’t cover alien infestations.

This is only about the millionth time this has happened so far in my parenting career: I’m not exactly sure what to do. Gracie may – or may not – be suffering from some medical mystery, nervous condition, stomach bug, dislike for school, or alien lifeform. Or perhaps karmic coincidence; you know, being my child and all.

Here’s the deal: at the beginning of the month, the school nurse called and said that Gracie had been sick all over the place (ewwwww) and would need to be picked up from school. I was getting ready for a huge meeting at ThePlaceThatShallNotBeNamed and I had just spent a day home with Bee. So I impulsively called the Ex (who had visitation that night anyway) and asked him if he could get her from school. When he dropped the girls off that night, he said that Gracie had just picked at her food, but other than that she had been fine. She was in good spirits, didn’t act sick, and – more importantly – didn’t get sick the rest of the day.

The next morning I woke her up and got her ready for school along with her sister. Gracie complained bitterly about how much her tummy hurt. She produced tears and warned that she was going to throw up. I didn’t know what to do; she certainly had thrown up all over the place the previous day, and I didn’t want the school to think I was one of those parents. On the other hand, she had raved about how much fun she had spending the day alone with her dad, so I was a little suspicious of her complaints. I decided to send her school. Big mistake. The school nurse called me less than an hour after Gracie had been dropped off and said she had been sick all over the hallway. That’s when I decided that the janitors and the nurse were getting giant gifts at the end of the year. I left work and collected my child. Gracie’s teacher suggested taking her to the doctor, but I could only imagine the scorn that would be rained down upon us: An upset tummy and no other symptoms? It’s just a stomach bug, stop bugging us with the easy stuff that even silly parents should know! The stomach bug was going around; I’d just keep her home unless and until a third round hit. Of course, Gracie was fine the rest of the day.

Two Thursdays ago, the day that Sars and Auntie Kim were supposed to arrive, the school nurse called me yet again. Gracie had been sick – yet again. And so I left work – yet again – to go collect her. Since it was practically blizzarding outside, I didn’t call her pediatrician, although I would have if the roads were drivable. She was fine the rest of the day (predictably) and that’s when I started wondering what sort of alien was living in her stomach. I also started thinking about less likely causes – food allergies, for one. Gracie said she had a hot dog for dinner, and I vaguely remembered serving hot dogs sometime around the first time she was sick, although I couldn’t be sure. I asked the Ex to hold off on any other hot dog dinners to see if that stopped the attacks. That’s when I found out that Gracie had been sick both nights that past weekend when she was at her dad’s – something he hadn’t bothered telling me. She hadn’t had hot dogs then. Or on Tuesday when she was sick at daycare right after I dropped her off (thankfully, this round she skipped being sick at school).

It did mean there was a pattern, though: Gracie seemed to be getting sick first thing in the morning. Sometimes just once, sometimes twice. It always seemed to end when she was picked up from school, but that could be coincidental if she just needed to get whatever it was out of her system.

It could be stress. I feel all of my stress through my stomach; during times of high stress, I pop Tums like candy. (Mmmm….wintergreen Tums.) Adding plausibility to this theory is the fact that Gracie asks to stay home from school on the days of the attacks and mentions that the boys – who are all on blue and red – tease her for being on green. It’s not the only time that story has surfaced, so I reiterate what we’ve discussed: that people get jealous and she is doing a great job to do what she knows is right and I ask her how proud she is of herself. She almost always smiles. Nevertheless, I emailed her teacher and asked if she knew of any reasons that Gracie could be stressed at school. Gracie is doing well academically and likes her teacher enough, so I didn’t think it was pressure in either of those general areas. Her teacher said nothing came to mind but that she would talk to her privately and see if Gracie mentioned anything.

It could be a food allergy that we haven’t uncovered yet. I started keeping a food log of what she’s eaten the 24-hours prior to all attacks. If things speed up, I’ll elevate it to a 24-7 food log, but that is a lot of work that might turn out to be unnecessary. She’s worth it, but have you seen my To-Do list?!

The theory I’m leaning towards is this one: it could be because of her allergies and head colds. Gracie is congested a lot of the time. It’s winter-cold season and the child unfortunately has inherited her mama’s wicked seasonal year-long allergies. Dr. Google and many others have advised that it’s not uncommon for young children to experience post-nasal drip all night, and then for their delicate little stomachs to violently evict all of that gunk when they wake up in the morning. I’ve heard this happens more frequently if the child drinks milk right after waking; Gracie usually rejects anything to eat or drink of she’s feeling icky, but the rest of the theory seems to fit. Once she’s sick, she’s fine. That lines up perfectly with this diagnosis.

Of course, it could still be an alien lifeform trying to make some room for itself. I haven’t quite ruled that out.

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Tags: anxiety, children, health, parenting, school, stomach bug, stress