Huh. This is weird. Really weird sort-of-weird. Today is the Wednesday before Thanksgiving. The day I dread most out of all 365 of them. Know why? I’ll tell you why – it’s because today is the day I have to bake pies. I hate baking pies and pie-baking hates me. I can’t do it. Simply CAN NOT do it. I cry. I beg and plead and whine. Then I call my mom and cry some more. It is not pretty, folks.
I was prepared this morning for my usual pie baking fiascos. That’s what I do now – I just plan around the inevitable. I made sure I wouldn’t have either of the girls today so I could have my meltdowns in private. (No need to scar them – when they get older, they are totally in charge of pies and I don’t want to ruin their confidence when it comes to pie-baking unless I absolutely have to.) I bought three bags of flour and 12 sticks of Crisco so I could start over as many times as I needed to. I had emergency store-bought pie crusts in the freezer in case I had to lie. And I had lots of alcohol on hand in case I needed to drink away the memories. I told you I was prepared.
When it was time to start, I went through my checklist. Rule Number One: Put on Christmas music. Check. Rule Number Two: Put on the magic apron. Uhh…I don’t have my mom’s magic apron, so I put on an old ratty Gibney’s t-shirt from where my mom used to work. Check (sort of). Rule Number Three: Pull out the spaghetti pan for mixing the dough and the magic pastry cloth to make the dough roll out easier. Check. Rule Number Four: Call and warn Mom that I was starting the pies. Check. I was good to go – and an hour later was when I realized that the apocalypse was near and that we’re all going to die.
I rolled out four pie crusts – two bottoms and two tops – in my first four attempts.
I didn’t understand: there were no emergencies, no cursing, no second attempts, no lemon volcanoes in the oven. Everything just sort of went…perfectly. I started at 11 a.m. and my kitchen was clean by 12:30. Then I tried to figure out what to do with the rest of my day.
I haven’t figured it out yet, but in the meantime, if the world ends soon you can totally blame it on my perfect pies.
Tags: baking, food, holidays, motherhood, nostalgia, pies, Thanksgiving, tradition
November 25, 2009 at 8:28 pm |
Ha….”your deadline is quickly approaching.” I like. And you’re right, we can blame the end of the world on your perfect pies. But I would like it also to end because of my apocalyptic cakes: http://apocalypsecakes.wordpress.com/
November 25, 2009 at 9:05 pm |
Uhhh…where’s the documentation? I need visual confirmation of said certain doom.
November 25, 2009 at 10:11 pm |
Next year you can have mom come and help in person and she can help me via the tele instead. she was soooo pushy! it worked out when i gave her some scrap dough to play with though ;0]
it also helps if you spend a couple weeks reading and discussing Buddhism in your World Lit class beforehand. I “Om’d” as i slathered flour on the pie sheet and chanted in my head “Beeeee the pie… ‘Be the pie!’ I aaaaam the pie….’I am the pie!” with every stroke of the rolling-pin. And hey! mom blesses her pies! maybe you need to pic your own semi-religious-associated-ritual to practice. in fact i think you already have! agnosticism! you cant be certain of how you’re pies will turn out. you prepare, and leave the rest to fate! hey you even had booze to go nihilistic should fate be unkind!!! =0D do this again next year and you’re golden man!
November 26, 2009 at 9:55 am |
Glad the pie baking went well. For all the pies you were baking I figured you had secretly been practicing all year long.
Have a very happy and thankful day.
November 26, 2009 at 10:56 am |
I also had a perfect pie baking experience yesterday. Hmmm…maybe the world will end. Glad it went well for the both of us.
Happy Thanksgiving!
November 27, 2009 at 11:21 am |
I don’t like making pies, and, I don’t even like eating them. Blech! Give me cookies over pies any day!
November 29, 2009 at 9:56 am |
Baking is a direct reflection of your state of mind and soul. I would say you are in a very good place my friend.
xo
December 23, 2009 at 7:06 am |
[...] I baked pies in less than two hours and without anything going wrong. [...]
May 19, 2011 at 7:00 am |
I am happy to read that the pie baking went ok!