Toddlers on a plane! (AAAAH!)

I think I’ve mentioned once or twice that we’re traveling home to Grandma’s next month. No? Because I’m ONLY A WEE BIT EXCITED!!! Woot!! Ahem. Anyway. Once I got over my initial crackhigh, I came crashing back to reality when it slowly dawned on me that flying home meant home meant I was going to have to spend a considerable amount of time – alone – keeping two small children entertained in a hurtling death tube airplane. After I wiped the drool off my chin, stopped sucking my thumb in fear and crawled out of my happy corner, I made a plan of action. No, better than that – I made a list! I present to you, dear bloggy audience…

Activities to Bring and Things to Do Whilst on the Airplane.

• Read books. I’ll bring a few favorites, and a few new ones. I’m planning on getting at least one I Spy or Where’s Waldo type books, too. Those will keep Gracie occupied for hours. (Let’s hope.)
• Basic art supplies. Stickers, stencils, notebooks, pencils, crayons, coloring books. The ol’ standby. AND I have the special airplane crayons that are triangular so that the suckers don’t roll. Of course, they still slide. Stupid crayons. Stupid turbulence. WHY CAN’T A MOTHER GET A BREAK?!!! (Told you I was out of my happy corner.)
• Work books. Give Gracie enough time with some of them, and she’ll be flying the plane on the way back.
• Blank books. When we were little, my mom would fold a bunch of paper in half and staple it to create a book. She would write the captions that my brother dictated and he would illustrate the story. I’ll just pre-make several books and see how it goes.
• Blank books with their favorite stories written out. I’ll write out the captions from Goodnight Moon, How Do Dinosaurs Go to Bed?, Five Little Monkeys, Little House in the Big Woods, etc, and then the girls can draw the pictures.
• Make-Your-Own Photo Album kits. I can make some blank books, print out pictures of family members they’re about to meet all over again, and bring some scrapbooking photo-tabs. After they stick on the picture and I help them label it, they can decorate the books with stickers and crayons. Then we can talk about each family member. Fingers crossed, this helps lessen that uncomfortable stage where they leech onto my hips and do NOT let go.
• Lace-up cards. This one will be a little too complicated for Bee, but maybe it will keep Gracie busy.
• Felt scenes. Yeah – this one is going to depend on how much I get my act together before we leave. I’d have to come up with templates and ideas of what to cut out – people? How do I make them? Sunshines? Soccer balls? Houses? Letting them create felt scenes (which work sort of like colorforms) could fill up precious travel time, though. Totally worth it. Plus! Felt is so flat it practically takes up negative space!
• Maps of the U.S.  …Geeky. Yeah, I know. But kids don’t just turn into geeks on their own! You have to cultivate it! Besides, they can color in the states, I can show them our progress (“YES! We are STILL OVER THAT STATE!”), and I can see how many states I can teach Gracie before she insists she can entertain herself.
• MagnaDoodle Jr. Because poor Bee needs something fun to do! Don’t ask me why drawing on a magnetic board is more fun than drawing on paper. It just is. And if it diverts them for five minutes? Worth the space it takes up.
• Pipe cleaners. I didn’t actually think of this one on my own. But you can use them to make shapes, animals, try to spell out their names…and who knows what the kids will come up with. (You know, that’s kinda scary, now that I think about it.)
• Catalogs. Let the kids pour through old toy catalogs. I know that usually keeps my kids enthralled for minutes on end. When they tire of that, turn it into a treasure hunt. (“Can you find a block?” “Can you find something red?”).
• Brown bag puppets. We…er…the kids, I mean, can color eyes, noses, mouths. They can use stickers. And if the flight attendants haven’t confiscated the pipe cleaners yet, they can use those to make arms or horns or such.
• The color game. Who hasn’t played this ad nauseum on travel trips? I see something red. I see something yellow. I see something clear that isn’t mommy’s martini. Much better than the I Smell Something game.
• The Never-ending Story game. This is kind of like the story-building game where one person adds a sentence and then the next person adds another, etc. My girls aren’t old enough for that. So I’ll come up with a small snippet (“Princess Bee goes for a walk in the woods and finds a cave. What does she see inside?”) Then I incorporate their answer into the next little bit and give them another question. Although we’re taking a 6 a.m. flight. So the story might start with, “Mommy thought the early flight was a good idea. What in the world was she thinking?”
• Thumb wars. But only if I get really desperate. Once you teach a kid how to declare a thumb war, there’s no un-teaching that knowledge. And I would really hate hate hate to have a medical divert in the middle of the flight because of a broken thumb or a misplaced eye.
• Paper, Rock, Scissors. What, you didn’t think this would follow Thumb Wars? I am a much bigger fan of this one. For one – less contact. (Ha! Just kidding! Kids think EVERYTHING is full contact!) For another – I can play Paper, Rocks, Scissors without even paying attention. You know, like I usually parent.
• Playing cards and Uno. The girls can play Go Fish and Memory and War. Gracie and I can teach Bee to play Uno. This is a game for the airport terminal, though, because yes I do need all 51 of those cards. Oh. Oops.
• List of things to do. Yes, I listed a list on my list of things to do. What can I say? I’m an addict out of control. Also? You face two children in the middle of a meltdown in the middle of hour three and try to recall one single thing to do. Go ahead. I want to see how your power of recall works.
• List of songs to sing. One of my friends laughed when I mentioned this one. We’re not going to be loud; we’ll use our Quietly In Our Airplane Seats voices. (What, you don’t have one of those?) Although, the thought of leading the entire airplane in a chorus of Girl Scout songs is kind of tempting.
• List of books I know by heart. I can “read” to them. I can write out the words and let the girls watch me draw the book. I can…I don’t know. Create a time warp to end the flight sooner.
• Fisher Price indestructible DVD player. I splurged. Because in my heart, I am still very, very afraid.

That’s it. I kinda feel like Bubba when he finishes telling Forrest Gump all the recipes he knows for shrimp. I’m sure I’ll think of something I should have brought as soon as we hit 30,000 feet. Oh, and don’t worry – this list doesn’t include my bag (where do you think I was hiding the martini mix?), the food I’m packing, or the diaper bag contents (do you know how long a child can occupy herself with a packet of wet wipes?!). Still think I missed something? Throw ‘em at me. Oooh – like pre-cut paper dolls!!! Ha! NOW think of something I missed!

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Tags: airplane, toddlers, travel, vacation