This didn’t earn her any points.

I have this little trick where, sometimes, I will write my blog post last thing before I go to bed and set it to post first thing in the morning. That way there’s no mad dash in the morning to write and publish before the work bell goes dingy-dingy. Tonight I was all set to write about what a craptastic time I had at Gracie’s birthday party on Saturday because the Ex’s girlfriend kept scooping up MY children and giving them hugs and whispering inside jokes, and basically marking her territory.

Instead, I’m blogging about my poor dog. My ex-dog. My beautiful black lab named Cooper. Because she died last night.

The stupid Ex, whom I really, really dislike right now, texted me at work in the middle of the day asking me to please call when I had a moment: he had some bad news. My mind immediately went into a tail spin and I called, completely panicked that he had lost his job and couldn’t make any child support payments, or that he was dying of cancer. Instead he told me, through tears, that Cooper was gone. That he didn’t know how to tell me. He kept starting and stopping and taking deep breaths until I was about to reach through the phone and shake it out of him. Or that’s what I would have thought if I had been capable of thinking anything. I thought maybe Cooper had a seizure or died suddenly of cancer (she had some cysts recently, but the tests came back benign). The Ex finally said Cooper was playing with Anna (the Girlfriend’s dog) last night – last night! – and that Anna’s “jaw somehow got caught under Cooper’s collar.”

The stupid Ex paused here, trying to figure out how to finish telling me that my dog was murdered and I finally found my voice. “She killed my dog?!!!” I asked. If a person can be breathless and strident at the same time, then that’s what I was. I was so sure he was going to tell me that Anna had “accidentally” ripped open Cooper’s throat. And then I was going to reach through the phone and kill him for letting it happen.

When he continued, he said Anna got freaked out and spun around and got twisted. Anna suffocated Cooper to death. When Cooper began making weird noises, the Ex realized something was wrong and got a knife, but by the time he cut the dogs free, Cooper was gone. She was just gone.

For the life of me, all I can picture is Cooper panicking, looking to the Ex, and not getting help. I couldn’t imagine why the Ex decided telling me while I was at work! was a good idea. I just mumbled that I had to go and fled to Crisanna’s office where I scared her into thinking any number of horrible scenarios. I know it was an accident, but I can’t believe he couldn’t act in time to fix it. How could he act quickly enough if it was one of my kids? Could he save one of them? And how could the jaws really get caught so tightly, anyway? Cooper’s collar wasn’t tight nor was it really loose.

I’m just in shock. And I don’t care if it’s irrational or not: first the Girlfriend tries to steal the affections of my children and then she kills my dog. I’ll go back to being normal, rational, oh-whatever Katie tomorrow. Right now, tonight? It’s game on. And by the way: Cooper’s so totally on my side now.

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Tags: divorce, Ex, girlfriends, pets