The If Question with all the theft.

Why is it that so many of these If Questions have to do with illegal activity? Are we really all just hardened criminals underneath our sweet and sassy exteriors? I’m beginning to think yes. Yes we are.

If you could steal one thing in the world besides money (and get away with it), what would you steal?

So many answers, so little time. I would love to steal that dentist’s cabinet I found at the Antique Mall and use it to house my apothecary scrapbook supplies.

I would like to steal that gorgeous brown suede, double-wide couch from Ashley’s Furniture and install it in my living room. Of course, then I would only be interested in napping and would never remove myself from the depths of the couch again in this lifetime. That might pose a small problem when it comes to living the rest of my life. Meh. I would be sooooo comfortable.

I could steal the deed to my parent’s house back home so my fool father can’t try to up and sell it (or one of the lots) against the wishes of all of his children. Even though he hasn’t talked about this in a few months. But maybe that one strikes too close to home. (And is its own post altogether.)

Ooh, if we’re going to steal ownership of things, but not the actual possession, maybe I could steal Old Ironsides! I mean, c’mon, who wouldn’t love to own a boat?! Er…a ship!? The U.S.S. Constitution is the greatest ship in our nation’s fleet (even if she isn’t really, technically in active service). Still, it would be nice to say that boat was mine. (My precioussssss.)

We’re getting closer to my real answer. (Although that couch is looking mighty fine, I have to say.) I would probably steal the original copy of the Declaration of Independence. I don’t think I would steal the actual copy, per se. At the very least, I know it’s not coming back to my house; I mean, have you seen this place lately? We’d be Declaration-less in no time at all! It’d be left in one stack of papers or another, and pretty soon it, too, would disappear into all of the clutter. We can’t have that. Right now, the original Declaration is on display in the Rotunda for the Charters of Freedom in Washington, DC. Yes, you read that correctly: it’s on display. What are they THINKING?! Seriously! Leaving something so valuable out there for the whole world to steal. (Hey, I just did it, didn’t I?) So the first thing I’d do once I lay ownership would be to swap it out for a really good fake. Then I’d hide the original someplace really safe. The National Archives (away from the masses). The bunker where Dick Cheney lived for eight years. The depths of my new couch. Someplace where people just couldn’t get at it.

As for the why…I don’t really have a great answer. I love me some material comforts (have I mentioned that couch?), but I also love books and papers. And history and sentiment. Can you think of any paper, book, or document more sacred than the Declaration of Independence? Because I spent the entire morning trying to think of something better (the Magna Carta doesn’t count) and I couldn’t think of any. But if you do, let me know, because I might want to steal that instead.

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Tags: If, If question