Phase II: The Waiting Continues

You know what I learned today: food and caffeine are over-rated.

HA! Ha ha ha ha. Ha.

Really, I didn’t miss the food until about 9ish. And then I was famished enough to eat a small village and its only goat. Okay, maybe that’s a bit of exaggeration, but if you hadn’t eaten since noon yesterday, you’d understand. Well, technically I ate a big meal last night (wouldn’t you think by a “light” meal, they meant pork chops, a small baked potato and apple bettye?), but since my body was completely empty (if you know what I mean), then yes, you’d be famished, too.

I really didn’t have high hopes for how this whole x-ray thing was going to go down. I mean, they started me off by cutting off my food and caffeine supplies. How were they going to turn that around, hmmm? My morning continued just as I expected when I realized, halfway to work, that I had forgotten the paperwork for my x-rays on my kitchen counter. I quickly devised a scheme plan to call the doctor’s office when I got to work. If they could reprint my orders for me, I could pick it up when I arrived for my appointment since Dr. MIT’s office was just down the hall. If they couldn’t, I would leave earlier so I could dash back across town to stop at the house.

Thankfully, the receptionist at Dr. MIT’s office said they could do it. She was a little confused when she asked if I’d be picking them up then, but once I explained (again) that I would pick them up at 10:30 a.m., she said they’d be ready. Excellent! Except that when I arrived, the receptionist who helped me had no idea what I was talking about. I explained the conversation I had with the receptionist, and the woman looked again through all of the charts, all of the paperwork, and at my online account. No papers. She consulted with another receptionist, who then looked through all of the charts and then explained how to print new papers. Finally.

So, off I went six feet down the hall to Hospital Registration. The lady there took a copy of my driver’s license and insurance (already on file with Dr. MIT), and had me sign some papers before ordering me to sit in some chairs in the middle of the hallway. I found this combination hallway, reception area, waiting room to be quite bizarre, but okay. Then Patient Services called me over to a consultation booth. She had me fill out and sign another half-dozen forms – which she recited from memory! Amazing! No, really! – and kindly took my $93. Then she printed out a form for me to take to Radiology. Which was the next booth down the hall.

The very nice lady at that booth had me fill out six more forms (regarding the same information on file with Dr. MIT) and then asked me to sit in another group of chairs arranged in the middle of the hallway. Thankfully, the tech came and rescued me. My tech – let’s just call her Eve – was the sweetest, kindest person I have ever run across in all of my medical travails. She was my age and had the most soothing voice I have ever heard. I wanted to pick her up and put her in my pocket and let her guide me through the rest of my horrible medical journey, however long that lasts. Any time a receptionist lost my paperwork? I would just take Eve out of my pocket and let her fix everything. It would be lovely. Ahem.

So, as we’re walking, Eve soothingly points out that since my cycle is about to start, they need me to take a test before my x-rays. But she never really says any of this. She actually points to <the spot where I said my last cycle started 4 weeks ago> and says because of that, I will need to do a <points to the word, Pregnancy Test>. All because there were a few people a few yards away. See? My medical angel is discreet AND soothing. But then she makes me pee in a cup and that kinda ruins the magic of the moment. Oh, well, I can pee in a cup on demand. It’s my new talent.

So I do that, and then I wait in the hallway of chairs for a few minutes while they confirm I haven’t conceived the world’s next miracle baby, and then Eve escorts me back to the X-Ray room. The room is dark and HOLY MOTHER of GOD – COLD! But then Eve and her partner in crime – we’ll call her Jo – they have me climb up on the table and bring me a heated blanket. I may or may not have told Jo that I loved her at that point. We’ll just gloss over that. Then they took a series of glamour shots before they shot me full of radioactive goo. (No, I did NOT feel like I was going to pee myself. You are all liars, the lot of you! The warmth was nice, though.) Then they did a few more glamour shots while I continued to lie there on what was a remarkably comfortable table. I think the cushion on the table might have been memory foam; it was lovely.

Sadly, then they kicked me out and ruined the whole siesta thing I had going on. Seriously, everyone should get to take a twenty minute nap in the middle of the day. I think for $93 I should have also gotten my brows done, and maybe a foot massage, but I did get a free bottle of water on my way out. Yeah, so Eve mentioned something about washing out the radioactive goo…meh, details.

So that’s it. No word of warning from my lovely ladies of radiology. Guess I’ll just have to wait until Thursday’s showdown with Dr. MIT…and the scope.

Advertisement

Tags: doctor's office, interstitial cystitis, medical drama, UTI, X-rays